A few words
Just a few short words too let you know how I’m doing. I’m apologising in advance, this is not a very positive post. But I’m tired of plastic people wearing plastic smiles, so either bear with me or leave now, your choice.
Firstly, I’ve now been at my “new” job for a year. It’s been very hard but satisfying. I’ve had to learn to work incredibly fast and also cope in a very critical corporate environment. I’m doing okay, apart from the fact that I feel I’ve become moody at work and swear like trooper at work. Not good.
Secondly, I’ve been diagnosed with sleep apnea. Basically, what happens is that you stop breathing during the night for several seconds at a time. Your brain then wakes up your body because of lack of oxygen, although you are unaware of it the next morning. The result is severe sleep deprivation, resulting in exhaustion, memory problems, metabolic problems and also depression. I’ve got a CPAP machine that I sleep with now, making sure there is continuous positive airflow coming through my nose.
I really hope it helps, especially for the depression. If I think back over the last few years the dominant emotions I recall are sadness and hopelessness. I’m tired of feeling like that. I’m thankful to God that there is something they can do.
Thirdly, what I’m having problems dealing with is that so many of my friends are emigrating. The situation here is South Africa is far from ideal and people want to make a better life elsewhere, which you cannot blame them for. Unfortunately, it means that the people you are close to are moving out of your life, which is incredibly hard to deal with. It feels like things are falling apart.
Fourthly, how can I describe my faith life at the moment? I haven’t been to church in months and there is not much going on. I want a real relationship with God again, I know he hasn’t given up on me, but I just cannot work up the energy to make the effort. Plus, my personal issues seem overwhelming at the moment and it just feels as if God must be so tired of me. Which I know is just me being emotional but it feels real.
Anyhow, that’s me in a nutshell at the moment. Apart from the fact I’m doing my Masters degree this year and I have an exam and seminar coming up.
